| Yea | Nay | Rank | Votes |
| Login To Vote | 1 | 30 | tried to list Iran, Kuwait, and Saudi Arabia as collateral for student loan |
| Login To Vote | 2 | 20 | Sorority girls don't believe he has a "giant heat-seeking scud" |
| Login To Vote | 3 | 18 | Why get bombed at American bars when he can just stay at home? |
| Login To Vote | 4 | 14 | Got too scared of "ethnic and women's studies" requirement |
| Login To Vote | 5 | 10 | Application essay, "My World Kingdom of Blood, Oil, and Flame" rejected |
| Login To Vote | 6 | 8 | Major in "delay, stall, bluster, and mislead" requires a minor in math |
| Login To Vote | 7 | 7 | Can't pay tuition in Kurd teeth |
| Login To Vote | 8 | 6 | American camels' lips not as soft as Iraqi camels' lips. |
| Login To Vote | 9 | 4 | Too busy fishing with his weapons of Bass destruction. |
| Login To Vote | 10 | 3 | Auburn wanted to redshirt him; U. of Tikrit promised he'd start as a freshman. |
| Login To Vote | 11 | 3 | US girls make you pay for dinner, Iraq girls put out for just limo rides |
| Login To Vote | 12 | 2 | Applied to Michigan State, driven out by hazing, swore vengeance |
| Login To Vote | 13 | -1 | Frat parties are just crawling with Infidels. |
| Login To Vote | 14 | -1 | NCAA does not allow scholarships for Torturing. |
| Login To Vote | 15 | -1 | Test proctor didn't cave to his "mother of all examinations" threats |
| Login To Vote | 16 | -3 | Couldn't help ducking everytime used the pulltab on a beercan |
| Login To Vote | 17 | -4 | couldn't get any senators to sponsor him to west point |
| Login To Vote | 18 | -4 | He's dumb he would drop out |
| Login To Vote | 19 | -5 | He's an idiot, he would drop out of college |
| Login To Vote | 20 | -8 | All the deans of admissions had the suspicious initials of G.W.B. |
| Login To Vote | 21 | -11 | No scholarships available yak roping |
| Login To Vote | 22 | -14 | CIA assasins. Duh. |
| Login To Vote | 23 | -15 | Mama's boy who sucked his thumb until age 28 |
| Login To Vote | 24 | -18 | Kept offing his high school teachers. Duh. Noone to write a reference |
| Login To Vote | 25 | -21 | Couldnt get the student load |
| Login To Vote | 26 | -24 | not born on third base like Shrub |