| Yea | Nay | Rank | Votes |
| Login To Vote | 1 | 31 | "Depends on how drunk I can get her..." |
| Login To Vote | 2 | 25 | "I'll show you later... Beta or VHS?" |
| Login To Vote | 3 | 15 | dinner and a movie and maybe some anal action if she's lucky |
| Login To Vote | 4 | 14 | Actually, she's gonna do my sister. They said I could watch. |
| Login To Vote | 5 | 12 | "She's the guest of honor at our human sacrifice. Is she still a virgin?" |
| Login To Vote | 6 | 10 | Hey Pal, that's for me to know, and for you to find out in about 9 months |
| Login To Vote | 7 | 10 | The same thing I did with her sister last week. |
| Login To Vote | 8 | 9 | Hey, aren't you the pharmacist I bought condoms from today? |
| Login To Vote | 9 | 7 | "Oh, we're just gonna test out the shocks on my car, Sir. |
| Login To Vote | 10 | 7 | "Well, we'll probably start with light bondage, and then try hot wax and whips" |
| Login To Vote | 11 | 6 | "I know some Russians in Vegas who pay big money for nubile young white girls." |
| Login To Vote | 12 | 5 | "Ever seen Caligula?" |
| Login To Vote | 13 | 4 | see how high a note she can hit |
| Login To Vote | 14 | 0 | "Hm. Is your daughter having her period right now?" |
| Login To Vote | 15 | 0 | "I'm not here for your daughter." |
| Login To Vote | 16 | 0 | I'm going to eat her liver with a plate of fava beans and a fine chiaaanti. |
| Login To Vote | 17 | 0 | Uhh... Could I borrow a fiver? I'm out of rubbers... |
| Login To Vote | 18 | -1 | Drive over her. |
| Login To Vote | 19 | -1 | Same thing they are every night: try to take over her virginity! |
| Login To Vote | 20 | -2 | Not quite sure yet, but you can read about it in Penthouse Letters next month! |
| Login To Vote | 21 | -3 | "Do you really wanna know the answer to that?" |
| Login To Vote | 22 | -3 | "Yes." |
| Login To Vote | 23 | -5 | "You're not a cop, are ya?" |
| Login To Vote | 24 | -5 | Have sex with her in a very uncomfortable place (not the back of a beetle) |
| Login To Vote | 25 | -5 | We were just going to go and get her nipples pierced |
| Login To Vote | 26 | -6 | I'm hoping to post the naked pictures I took of her on the internet... |
| Login To Vote | 27 | -6 | Look, is a twenty enough? She ain't worth more. |
| Login To Vote | 28 | -6 | Start singing "Paradise by the Dashboard Lights" |
| Login To Vote | 29 | -7 | Doing the Horizontal Bop |
| Login To Vote | 30 | -8 | "um, where do you keep the butter?" |
| Login To Vote | 31 | -8 | Plans? We were just going to her room. Or is your bed larger? |
| Login To Vote | 32 | -8 | Since she's a whore, like her mother... |
| Login To Vote | 33 | -9 | Tonight? You mean "for the morning"! |
| Login To Vote | 34 | -10 | Well. Elope, actually... |
| Login To Vote | 35 | -11 | I'm gonna make some advances on her and ditch her like the last slut I dated |
| Login To Vote | 36 | -11 | Me an' her an' a barn full o' livestock. giddy up! |
| Login To Vote | 37 | -12 | *wolf whistle* *tiger growl* |
| Login To Vote | 38 | -12 | I've got this nice spot under an overpass picked out. |
| Login To Vote | 39 | -13 | Tie her to a chair, shave all her hair and leave her in the dessert all alone |
| Login To Vote | 40 | -13 | We're going to swing by Ron Jeremy's place and make a movie |
| Login To Vote | 41 | -14 | It depends, is your wife free also? *drool* |
| Login To Vote | 42 | -14 | Oh, sorry, wrong date |
| Login To Vote | 43 | -14 | Oh, well, I figured we'd go to hooters |
| Login To Vote | 44 | -14 | She's my daughter now. |
| Login To Vote | 45 | -17 | "Hi. I'm Rob Lowe. Nice to meet you." |
| Login To Vote | 46 | -17 | Drive to Elkton, Maryland. |
| Login To Vote | 47 | -17 | Make some internet movies |
| Login To Vote | 48 | -17 | Repeat any of the lines from that "Hey Mister" song... |
| Login To Vote | 49 | -17 | We're just going back to my place for a quiet evening alone. |
| Login To Vote | 50 | -18 | "Sex, drugs, rock-n-roll, wine, women, and song." |
| Login To Vote | 51 | -19 | A man, a plan, a canal - Panama! |
| Login To Vote | 52 | -19 | Excuse me? I'm asking the questions round here, pal! |
| Login To Vote | 53 | -21 | Hanky-panky |
| Login To Vote | 54 | -22 | My Large Intestines |